"Be patient toward all that is unsolved in your heart" -Rilke

The month I became pregnant with Thayne, I happened across a treasure that was just sitting on the shelf in a small store in Idaho. It was a book written by a woman who had completely changed my life 10 years ago with another book , Everyday Sacred. Sue Bender's perspective on elevating the ordinary and approaching life with gratitude created such a paradigm shift in my own that nothing has been quite the same since.
I snatched up this new book I had found with eagerness to embrace what gems she had to share. I have just completed it today. The quote by Rilke above is the last line in the book called Stretching Lessons. Very apropos for this journey that I embarked on with this last pregnancy. It was with apprehension that I began reading . Wondering what major drastic shifts this book would make on my life, but it has a quiet grace. Sue shares that we all must be more gentle with ourselves, that our spirits can have wings even with solid roots and even when life hands us "heavy grace" we can be at peace.
There are many things that are still unsolved in my heart. I have a long way to go before I figure out how to be more gentle with myself. I needed Thayne's birth to be perfect. It was to be a gift to myself, my husband ,to my best friend and to the others who know who they are. It was far from perfect. As much as I wanted it to be spiritual, peaceful and perfect; it was not what I had hoped for. The perfect birth I had envisioned was for naught. What is so incredible is I know just how I would counsel someone else with my perspective about "perfect" births. Everything that was what I had wanted as perfect was not what was needed for all of us to grow. So I still mourn how it was "supposed" to be and marvel at what it was.
Maybe just maybe if I figure out how to be more gentle...I won't need that nervous breakdown that I have scheduled for when I am 92.