Weary

Sometimes I am so filled with deep sorrow that I fear if I let it out, it would never quit. Courageous and Brave were not on the list of titles I wanted. It becomes a "feel the fear and do it anyway" thing. Waited 1 hour and 10 minutes today for a 5 minute appointment that took 1 hour and 45 minutes to travel to. Only to have the doctor tell me to do what I was doing in the first place.
We have a nurse who does not realize how truly valuable she is to me. It is one thing to work on a patient, it is quite another to have to constantly work on your own child. Cindy comes a couple times a week. It helps me maintain a balance to turn over a bath, or a trach tie change etc... to her care. They are small things but to just not have to do it for a day here , a day there helps me so very much.
We go to the hospital on Friday for a MRI to see where Lyd's spinal cord is. I am still not sure I can with good conscious say yes to this spine surgery.