Friday

McDonalds and ex-husband, not two of my favorite things by any means but at least sometimes they both are tolerable.
Friday Mark met Maliea and I for lunch at McDonalds, his choice. I can just now post about it. Still processing. I am long past having any anger what so ever towards this man who leads a very lost life. The girl he said he was marrying is now long gone, another taking her place. So all of a sudden he wants the children in his life to pretend he is a good father. Mark has seen them one time other than the TN trip in July in the last year. When he calls he never talks to them just me. I have problems with him "wanting" the kids to spend time. He has no place of his own, hardly any personal belongings and will need to borrow an automobile to pick them up next month.

I just tucked in a very settled happy little boy who loves Michael dearly and is starting to feel good about himself. Quayde smiles more, laughs more and is a gentle and loving boy. I will not have Mark ruin all of this.
Chaiya has some anger issues and Maliea still wants love and approval from this man who doesn't care about them. I can't fix any of it and the situation creates a sense of powerlessness in me. Guess I need to work on it.

So I ate one of the new grilled chicken sandwiches on a wheat bun with lettuce and tomato, listened to Mark talk continuously about himself and all his problems and kept Maliea close to me on my side of the table.
Have had dreams about not being heard and rejection for the last several nights and someday when the children are all older and I am not the liaison in this relationship I will sleep peacefully.