As much as he has complained and been thoroughly exhausted I really believe that Michael has been deriving deep deep satisfaction from this concrete side job he has been doing (okay he even took pictures). The money definitely has made a difference to him but it is a great deal more than that. The down side has been that I haven't seen him a whole lot and that he truly is wiped out when he gets home. He now has a tan that is darker than my skin and might soon actually pass as a native. Today at church he got an offer for another side job, building a house, that he is considering. The biggest conflict he is having is that this is so out of HIS realm of belief about what a job is or the "proper" way to earn money. The good ole' USAF strikes again. Thinking out of the box is not something that I believe my husband comes by easily. Poor guy, thrust into our little bubble here and pop goes the rest of what he knew about how life works.

As I have been meditating and praying about what I have been feeling both physically and emotionally, I came across a solution which of course has been staring me in the face for the last year. My iron levels are way way to low again. Not that I ever got them up to an acceptable level in the first place. The fatigue, headaches, anxiety, bruising etc..... are all back to the classic symptoms that I had last summer. Somehow I think that my body should just work. That it should just automatically bounce back. That I can put it through whatever and it should just know what to do. I guess this is the first revelation that as one's body gets older it just doesn't bounce as well.
I am still so struggling with sadness over wanting everything to have been so perfect with Thayne's birth. We had an ambulance fly past us the other night after we went out for dinner and I was immediately flashing back to our ride last year and why don't they get better shocks on those stupid trucks?! It must go so much deeper because I work and process and there is this deep sorrow that doesn't go away. I am not sure how to touch it and journey through it.

Everyday Lydia keeps asking,"Are my teeth coming in?" I assure her they are but we can't see anything there yet. We picked up a book on Venice so Chaiya can start dreaming and creating her vacation there. She will probably have the map and every cool place memorized before she goes. Hostels are about 37 to 45 Euros which are really reasonable. Quayde had a great time camping. Apparently boy will be boys and they had some fun with making shaving cream faces on each other while sleeping.
On to a new week of work and play and discovery. Maybe sleep.

balance?

It's morning.....I feel like I have been run over by a truck. My "babies" haven't been sleeping in the night. Suctioning, hurting feeting, needing to nurse etc... I have been trying to work after nine at night when the house has settled down and the little ones are generally asleep. The down side is I am not getting into bed until after midnight and this isn't working. I am trying to find a balance between everything I do. I forgot I don't believe in balance.
It is impossible. My life works great when I don't try to pretend that one can have a balance and accomplish everything. I actually get tons and tons accomplished when I just flit and fly from one thing to another and I feel better about life and myself.
So I started this "I need balance" stuff, out of guilt. I let it creep in. Maybe I wasn't being a good enough mom or wife or friend. Maybe we weren't doing enough as a family. Maybe I wasn't supporting everyone enough blah blah blah.
So I am looking at a "new" school year without a plan or a clue, I've got this business which has gotten off to a fairly good start but it's a lot of work, I've got a house which needs to be de-cluttered and cleaned, I've got 5 kids and a husband who all need me, etc.......
That doesn't even count the heavy grace stuff in my life like Lydia and Maliea's extras.
With additions of other things.
I am thinking I need to get back to what works for me even if it is definately not what other people do.

two home , one to go

The girls arrived home from camp yesterday afternoon. Sweet words to my ears were from Chaiya," Mom you were so right about the hike , it was awful" and then she said she wanted me to write fake doctor's notes for all her friends who have to go next year. Quayde is gone camping tonight and through the weekend with a family from our church. Maliea was so happy to be back in her own bed but she loved camp. She said that popular and her name actually came together this year and she had so much fun. This was her last year to go so I am so glad it was so successful for her. Only a couple more weeks until seminary and public school starts again so I need to get our act together to figure out school for ourselves once everybody is home.

GO HERE!

I love stories that make me smile, make me believe in the capacity of creating wonder, make me laugh out loud and have hope. Please take time to go to this site and smile and think outside the box about what you could do with your life.

yesterday

Yesterday I scrubbed the floor in the dining room twice (thanks to Thayne), played playdough, playmobile and shaving cream fingerpaint, made homemade whole wheat pancakes and pasta dishes, washed lots of tablecloths from event over the weekend, read stories and did a hmsch lesson on weird plants, talk to client about changing dates :/, emailed two other clients, changed a lot of diapers, went to dinner and then Walmart shopping for diapers and milk, had alone time with husband and I still don't feel like I got enough done.

It is finished!

We left to drive out of our driveway and to our amazement!!!!!! there were no cones, no flashing blinking things, no torn up roadway! Oh my goodness we actually had no backup beepers, no backhoes, no big CAT machines anywhere near. I am still in shock. It was incredible. They were there all there earlier and now although it's been a full 11 months the road in front of our home is finished. The so called driveway is a very fancy full paved and striped thing passing about 10 feet in front of our walkway. The city has no intention of leaving Willy his property. They claim eminent domain and he has been fighting them in court for years but they made the "driveway" a little tooooo nice for him to have any chance of getting to keep his property. Our Bishop is losing his land also. They have given him less than a year to get out. Eminent domain there too. A new county jail will be placed. Do we ever really own our property if the government can just come in and take it and not compensate for it?

On Friday morning Chaiya left for a 7 mile hike and then off to camp and Maliea followed to camp on Saturday morning. The powers that be let Maliea go this year even though she is over 18. That was really nice! She has hit that awful transition age and we have no clue where it is all going. I need to trust more that she will find her way and it will be just perfect for her.
So Michael is working a side job doing concrete forms and Home Depot and that leaves me, Quayde and the little ones to our own devices. We snuck out of the house late last night before Target closed and had fun buying things like playdough and flying toys. We found we can sit on our porch at night and its so dark that the glow in the dark necklaces we have can be whipped around and make all kinds of wild and fun shapes. Thayne has figured out how to stand up in the middle of the floor by himself and then he laughs sooooo hard he falls back down. It's been fun watching him accomplished all the little things.
Okay latest place to go on the web www.hotmomsclub.com It's about feeling good about yourself and not falling into the I'm a drudge thing that happens sometimes.
My best friend left to go to another Hendricks certification! Soon she will need a wall just for all the things she is certified in. Have fun in CA Kristi!!!! I know she said its for work but I think CA minus kids plus shopping sounds like fun to me.
Got a whole lot of portfolio pictures put into an album to show brides to be but still have lots of work to do. Need to update/re-do some of my website pages. My August weddings all have black in them hummmm and one is outside.
We are going to have fun today and maybe go to the arts and crafts fair on the square.

Wednesday Night Movie

Old Yeller
Quayde is now sad and afraid to go outside because some animal might have rabies and come attack him. Chaiya ever cynical just thought it was corny.

QOTD

"Mom I don't think you can handle 6 kids!" Quayde as he is shutting the door to our room as Michael and I are seriously kissing on the bed.

So many problems

This wedding had little disaster after little disaster!
The cake collapsed and the baker was desperate so I gave her some of the flowers to match the table, it didn't taste that great either. Carrie and I got to "play" in it after it was all over. Haven't you ever wanted just to grabbed big chunks and make a mess? We did!
It was very late starting. The groom was too busy playing with his new stereo system that he bought that he didn't realize what time it was and wasn't dressed at all; at 10 minutes after it was supposed to start.
One of the flower girls had a major melt down and refused to be in the wedding at all. This was just the start.
All in all a quite interesting day!

Wedding highlights

Here's more pics

Latest masterpiece

Had a wedding on Saturday. It was a full wedding and reception. It started about 30 min late. Lots of work but it was beautiful. All I knew was lavender, romantic and the bride liked old fashion things. Here's the bride and groom at their couple's table.