Friday

McDonalds and ex-husband, not two of my favorite things by any means but at least sometimes they both are tolerable.
Friday Mark met Maliea and I for lunch at McDonalds, his choice. I can just now post about it. Still processing. I am long past having any anger what so ever towards this man who leads a very lost life. The girl he said he was marrying is now long gone, another taking her place. So all of a sudden he wants the children in his life to pretend he is a good father. Mark has seen them one time other than the TN trip in July in the last year. When he calls he never talks to them just me. I have problems with him "wanting" the kids to spend time. He has no place of his own, hardly any personal belongings and will need to borrow an automobile to pick them up next month.

I just tucked in a very settled happy little boy who loves Michael dearly and is starting to feel good about himself. Quayde smiles more, laughs more and is a gentle and loving boy. I will not have Mark ruin all of this.
Chaiya has some anger issues and Maliea still wants love and approval from this man who doesn't care about them. I can't fix any of it and the situation creates a sense of powerlessness in me. Guess I need to work on it.

So I ate one of the new grilled chicken sandwiches on a wheat bun with lettuce and tomato, listened to Mark talk continuously about himself and all his problems and kept Maliea close to me on my side of the table.
Have had dreams about not being heard and rejection for the last several nights and someday when the children are all older and I am not the liaison in this relationship I will sleep peacefully.

long week over

The problem with a week that is packed is that it goes by quickly but not quick enough. Lydia's doctor seems to have lost her MRI results and said he would call ....that was 4 days ago. Maliea's appointment went very well this morning and she has grown another 1/4 of an inch!! She just might make it to 5'4" only 3/4" left to go. Most Turners girls do not have this great of results with the growth hormone. She has been very blessed.
Have no clue what we are doing for Halloween. Our ward doesn't have a party or anything so I am feeling kind of lost this weekend. On Monday we are going to share in the fun with our best friends. Better figure out costumes.
I wanted to have the website finished by this evening. It is not going to happen. I have restyled pages, deleted, reframed etc.... I still have much work to accomplish.
Was going to go out with my husband this evening to have some time for us but I guess that fell through since I am sitting here and he is sitting in the living room. I am thinking that we are just to tired to care since it has been such a long week.
It is almost November and I need to mix up a new batch of hot cocoa mix to keep me company on these cold evenings.

Working on web

I have come to the conclusion that those people who get paid to develop websites deserve every penny. I have been working for hours and have a total of 2 pages done how I like them. This is definitely going to be a work in progress for a little while. Once We Do! We Do! is up and running , I'll let everyone have a link.
This week will prove a long one by the calendar forecast.
Two trips to Phoenix for doctor appointments and Michael will be working over 30 hours at his "part-time" job. Quayde has scouts 3 times and the older girls have activities also. Plus we need to work on getting ready for Halloween. Lydia wants to be a pirate like Quayde.
I can hardly believe that October is nearly over. For the first time ever I could have used a little extra of this month.

This is work?

The joy of doing something you love for work, is just that a joy! My mom knew me better than myself all those teenage years ago. She told me I should be an interior designer. I, of course, thought she was crazy. Now many many years later I feel so comfortable in this niche of wedding design and decor.
I am not sure that I would have had as much confidence and business sense if I had started earlier. Knowledge and wisdom do come with age and experience. I am so blessed that I have an incredible husband that supports and loves me. Why do I do weddings..because it is a constant reminder of the pure love I feel for my own partner and soul mate.

Angels

One of my joys is friends who feel comfortable enough to just drop by anytime! Today my dear friend Suzy , who is also Lydia's physical therapist, noticed how close we were located to where her god daughter lives and blessed us by coming by. I haven't seen her in several months and she always lifts my spirits. Lydia has brought many interesting people into our lives. Some I would like to shoot right now (her ortho doc) and some like Suzy who embodies life in each step. It was a soul thing when we first met, she told me to trust my instinct about Lydia and always have hope, she buoyed me on days when I felt I would drown with the responsibilities. I am so grateful to have many such people I call friends.

On another note: Felt very impressed today that my parking angel Harold was off duty and sent an angel named Howard. With the all excellent parking places I secured today I am incredibly grateful. NO ONE can say I don't have these helpers considering I don't believe in luck and getting parking in front of the library in the mall is a sheer gift from heaven.

Open minds

Autumn ushered in this morning bringing the change of the leaves. Just two days ago I reflected on how everything was still so green, this afternoon the hues of yellow and brown reached through the window to me. Change is the only sure thing.
Tom and Ruth headed out this morning. It was an interesting visit. It was only 4 days. Probably a good thing. Sometimes when a person refuses to be open to a realization that her way is not the only way it creates dissonance and disharmony. For the first time in about 17 years I found that I had to explain breastfeeding and why I am not feeding my 4 month old rice cereal and juice. Not just once, every time we sat down to eat. Choosing not to engage, I simply stated that Thayne definitely did not need any extra calories. Chaiya didn't like being grilled on educational matters and we had the opportunity to see first hand, a major control drama being played out between two 55+ aged adults trying to steal each other's energy. It was a great education for my teenagers for the week!
Michael volunteered at the AirShow this weekend and wore the official "Aircraft Marshall" tee- shirt. It was so good for him to be around planes again. Arriving home happy and smiling, he had an excellent time. Maliea and Quayde attended and their favorite plane was the one that stalled out and spiraled towards the ground.
Tomorrow seminary classes resume and maybe we can get back to some kind of rhythm, perhaps.

QOTD

"Put me to bed, I'm tired but I'll wake up in the morning" Lydia

Back up beepers

It is almost midnight and the incessant noise of back up beepers continues. How do I evolve enough to learn to love construction? It is the third night of the annoyance. Michael's dad and Ruth were smart to get a hotel in Phx, they just don't realize it yet. The Drone music and Lydia's machine are great at blocking the sound. Lydia's machine used to annoy me. Does one appreciate the familiar more than the new? Maybe if I stay up long enough and become more sleep deprived I won't hear any sounds at all. I keep trying to remember it is temporary.

dancing

There have been several emotional filled entries written in this blog in the last week that I have had on for a small moment and then deleted.
Trop Travail has been the house that Chaiya was cleaning- it's French for too much work. Vicki has a sign that states that on the front. No kidding. I am hoping that Chaiya feels a sense of accomplishment in it all. Even though we needed to help her accomplish the large undertaking, she went after it, she manifested it to fill her needs. I am proud of her.
Michael and I have been dancing, finding our steps, learning our music. Having so many intense life changes in so short of time has been discordant on the outside but the music is sweet inside. Shopping yesterday I heard a song play that he sent me several years ago on a download. Made me smile and YES! dreams do come true.
I have been trying to create space in our bedroom, amidst the baby stuff, pre-schooler stuff, and the medical stuff. Space where we can remember that we are adults and not just parents. Found an incredible lamp at Kirkland's, this is a store where I want to spend all of the money I have flowing to me. Since most of the time my home is decorated in Early American Childhood, it is nice to go and browse and pretend I have a thousand dollars just to blow on decor.
It is October, with all that brings for me. I envy my sister Ginny who fills uplifted and thrives at this time of year. It is always a struggle for me to stay out of the vortex.
Michael's father and step mom arrive tomorrow evening, maybe just maybe I will have everything accomplished.

taxes

Last night I was up reviewing all the paperwork, request forms etc... to get the fifteen million numbers from various gov't agencies to be a legal business. Even though I am a service business and do not re-sell I still have to pay the money to get the transaction priviledge number for both the state and the city of Prescott. I think they are just out for my money! So I hate paperwork but it has to be done.
Michael and the older kids are headed to Tempe to Gammage to view a musical this evening. Thanks to my friend Lori for the free tickets that her family couldn't use. It will be great for Quayde to see an on stage production. I used to take the girls all the time to see plays at the Herberger and Tempe playhouse but we haven't done much of that since moving up north. They were so excited to be going.
Lydia, Thayne and I haven't figured out how we are going to party on this Friday night, yet maybe go to bed early (hahahaha) and listen to the coyotes howl out the bedroom window.

I manifested what?

I believe that H. Father has an incredible sense of humor, and He is enjoying giving me what I ask for. I fully believe that we live in an abundant world and it will provide. So be carefull what you say because like myself you might end up with some thing quite large that you don't know what to do with.
A couple of weeks ago, my family and I were enjoying a treat at a new frozen yogurt shop here in town. They were having a drawing. If you filled out the paper saying what flavors you would like to see them have, you would have a chance to win. My exact words were, " Watch me win this TV, some thing I absolutely do not need" , as I wrote in all my favorite flavors. Yesterday they called to have me pick up my brand new 27 inch 115.5 lbs television!!!

Technology

I have never been a fan of the ever increasing technology that our society longs to fill our lives with. Today I have softened. How wonderful it was to be at home with full access to conference, to be able, after only a few hours, to hear and see repeatedly the talks I wanted to review. To be uplifted and spiritually fed via internet live streaming the moment it was occurring. Not that I will ever give in to have more gadgets but I concede that technology has wonderful and open possibilities. Favorite quotes from Saturdayafternoon session: talk by Jeffery R. Holland, " The key to feeling confident is by listening to your inner self."

QOTD

" Now I understand why Richard asked you to cut the pie" - Michael upon watching me disect the homemade pizza into 12 perfect pieces

Realization of the day

Me at about 5:30 PM this evening: The rules with former spouses do not apply to current spouses especially if they do not know about them (the rules , not the former spouses).
This was upon noticing that the bed was still unmade and Michael had been the last one out of it.
Can you tell I need a few more hours of sleep?

October

Yes, it is October already. Christmas accessories started occupying stores two weeks ago. The air has the hint of crispness and we have started closing the windows at night. All of which means, the days are becoming short and my body is not going to want to join the masses each morning if it is still dark outside. Last night was one filled with breathing treatments, oxygen and lots of suctioning. Lydia crashed a bit yesterday afternoon and it was a long night. Children still need to be fed this morning so I arise and make cinnamon-sugar biscuits. At least the sun still greets me today as I continue the journey.